Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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