I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
