Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And then my night got REAL pukey
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
