i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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