that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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