also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
