ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
