I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
