just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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