tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
