It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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