I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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