The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
