apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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