Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
