My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
