I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
