Princesses don't give blow jobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
