It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
