Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
