Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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