Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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