i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
