Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
