I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
