She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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