Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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