I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
