I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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