so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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