During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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