remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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