well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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