WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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