im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
