theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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