About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
