He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
