just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
