Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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