I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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