On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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