Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
