i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
