He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
