All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
