I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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