apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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