When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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