I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
