mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
