I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
