Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
