i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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