take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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