Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
