I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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