My first STD was from a foam party
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize