Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
