if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is Oprah even human
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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