I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
