Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
