Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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