Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning