I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.