haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
