Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
