I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I could fuck to npr.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
