it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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