guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
