well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
