I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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