he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
