You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize