I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
