hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
