There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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