I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
time to smoke my breakfast
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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