Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
