Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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