Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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