I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
