yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize