Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
