I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He better not be in your backpack
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
