do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize