Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
