Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
