i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
