You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
