What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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