Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
