I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
